The following post was inspired in part by Tall, Dark and Dominant here. In his post, he is curious about the inner workings of the male submissive’s mindset. I have to admit, I am rather curious as well. So if there are any male subs out there, give me a shout out.
Okay … So something interesting has been happening lately.
I’ve been active in this lifestyle for … coming up on five years now. At least, “out”.
I’ve been a member of various websites, social networks, chat clients … etc. etc. etc.
I’ve mentioned before that I met Himself on bondage.com (I believe it is now defunct, along with the erstwhile collarme.com).
I have truly met some amazing people. Good friends, good acquaintances … and I’ve also met some real creeps and fake internet Doms. I don’t let it get me down. I laugh it off and move along. Life is too short.
Except when I’m bored and decide to feed the trolls, but that’s not what this post is about.
~I am not a Switch~
So what the fuck is going on with me?
Back in the day, when I first joined Fetlife, I was still in college. This 22 year old kid messaged me, and expressed interest in me becoming his mentor. I was cool with that, he lived in my town and he went to my college.
I was active in the scene there, so I gave him an assignment:
“First, do your research. I want a 4 page paper, double spaced, 3 peer reviewed sites. Anything to do with BDSM. I know you have access to JSTOR because we go to the same college.”
…
Nothing.
Wouldn’t go to munches, wouldn’t do his research. He wanted me to fuck him in the ass and tie him up, but he wouldn’t put out the effort to write a 200 word essay for me.
Fuck that.
Himself made me write several research papers for Him before he even thought about talking to me.
Let me reiterate: I am not a switch. I am not a Domme. This kid wanted me as a mentor because I was a sub at the time. And I must admit, the though of having a little gimpy slutboy around the house seemed like fun.
But he wouldn’t do the work involved in becoming self aware. He wouldn’t do the work to keep himself safe, and I was not about to take on that kind of responsibility.
That was roughly 4 years ago, and honestly I completely forgot about him. He’s still on my Fet friends’ list, but he’s never contacted me again.
So, I joined another site, that I honestly prefer over Fet by quite a HUGE margin. Fewer creeps and fewer trolls and bitches and drama.
But I swear to Christ, almost every day I get messages from little slutboys asking me to be their Mistress.
???
Eh?
My profile shows me to be a slave: owned and collared. My Master has a profile on there as well. It’s all linked up nice and tidy.
But anyway, whatevs.
I still harbor a fantasy of a little service-oriented gimp cleaning my house for me.
Judgment wants me to get one anyway, and he doesn’t care if it’s male or female.
But still, what is it about me that has been attracting all of these slutboys all of a sudden? I don’t get female subs messaging me all the time.
In fact, I don’t have female s-types trying to get in my pants at all ever, although I like to think I’m forging some friendships.
One dude actually sent me photos of his used buttplug … I do not think English was his first language … I’m not entirely sure what that was all about. But, you know … MKINYK
The Judge has been telling me from day one that he thinks I’m a Domme. He wants me to domme a chick … that’s his ongoing fantasy.
I find it intriguing precisely because it would be me doing it for Him … not for my own edification, but I would be his Hand, so to speak.
The Mouth of Sauron for all of you nerds out there.
I would never be able to do it without him there guiding me, and showing me the ropes, an intimate sharing of power … being a conduit of energy and intimacy.
Yes, I find that hot.
But I have some insecurities with involving a third party into our dynamic.
Basically, I don’t want some bitch coming into my house and trying to usurp my place.
That is a terrible and yucky jealous feeling and I am actively trying to overcome it. But it will take some time.
Wow, ramble ramble ramble …
Back to the question at hand.
Why? Why do these slutboys want me? Of course, the minute I tell them to do something real, like go to a fucking munch, they vanish.
Too much work I guess.
Himself said I should become a financial Domme.
… I just don’t know if I’m capable of that.
Landmine Spring 