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I stumbled across Tall Dark and Dominant’s blog recently, I’m gonna give him a shout out here, and you should check it out. I’m really glad I did, because he posted an entry that is completely in line with something that has been … concerning me for a while.

My daughter recently turned fifteen years old. Aside from making me feel really really old, this whole raising-a-teenager things presents a bunch of challenges I was not expecting.

“Hey, I wanna check out that book Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Ooooooh shit. Not ready for that particular talk, I don’t discuss my sex life with my child.
I asked her if she knew what it was about, and she looked at me like I’m a moron. I basically told her that it’s a poorly written book, with some dangerous themes, and if she was interested in that kind of thing, I’d find her something better.
Dodged that bullet.
It seems, that when I start getting all scholarly and lecturey about any subject matter, she quickly loses interest.

I also read her text messages and I’ve broken into all of her social media accounts. Some may judge me and tell me I’m a terrible person for invading her privacy, but I have no shame. My daughter has zero impulse control, and she won’t tell me what she’s up to on her own anyway. Plus, she knows I do this. This isn’t a democracy, it’s a Dictatorship. Plus, I was wild as shit at her age, I’m not naive.

Text message from her little douchebag boyfriend, “I’m going to have to punish you for that”
I don’t remember the context, but it was rather BDSMy. 

She’s a cutter, and she fascinated with blood and pain. Now, I know there is very little correlation between self-harm and BDSM, but she is an awful lot like me in many ways, and I was cutting because I like pain, I like blood, and for the catharsis. (Note: I have gotten her help, she is in therapy and on meds). 

We had friends over, and she came at me with an attitude, jokingly. So I told her I was gonna smack her bum … just like when she was a little girl–still joking around. And she came back and was like, “Spank me mom! Spank me so hard …” and she went on and on with that.
Yes, it was jokey … but YUCK!
Himself gave me a sideways horrified look, and I gripped his knee under the table.

Very awkward. I let it go and didn’t mention it again. EW! 

We talked about it later … because he is starting to see it now:
Should I come out to her?
Absolutely not, our sex life is none of her business.
But on the other hand, she may start trying to experiment … and we all know how horribly that can go.
Yes we do. We’ve both seen first-hand the aftermath of s-types who have been victimized by predators. 
Maybe there is someone else she could talk to, someone with experience … UGH!
Then we run right back into the weird creepy factor once again.
If she was an 18 year old, and not related to me … not my CHILD … I’d take her to a munch, I’d print out articles, I’d help her set up a Fetlife profile and a KCB profile …

But she’s not 18 and she is my child.

And fuck my life, how can I protect her?

This following list is what is constantly running around my head right now:

  1. She’s just a baby. Yes, yes, yes … she’s not literally a baby, but she’s MY baby and I am not ready for her to grow up.
  2. Her judgment sucks balls, and she doesn’t listen to any sort of rational advice from adults or peers.
  3. Relates to point 2: She thinks she knows everything.
  4. BDSM can be extremely dangerous, what with predators, and amateurs and one shitheal reading Fifty Shades of Grey and thinking they know how to tie someone up. I am not willing to trust my daughter’s life into the hands of a fumbling, horny 15 year old.
  5. I do NOT want to accidentally project my own issues with my inability to accept my nature onto her, i.e., I don’t want to inadvertently start another cycle of self loathing onto the next generation of s-types/masochists.